Letter from the lawyer

Offices of [Redacted]

Dear [Redacted] –

I have reviewed the details of your situation with my colleagues and would strongly advise against your plan to publicize the details in the hopes of finding help.

While I believe that you are not intending to deceive anyone and am furthermore convinced that you believe the story you relayed to me, I should warn you that the details of your testimony would cause most normal people to doubt your credibility, and perhaps even your sanity. The confrontation with Child Services which initially led you to seek my services (if it actually occurred, though nothing in the official record indicates that it did) should be proof enough that what I say is true.

In addition, you should know that your story relies on many fictional characters and settings which are copyrighted by a major fortune 500 media company famous for zealously defending its intellectual property.  Though I believe your telling your story would constitute “transformative fair use,” you do not have the funds to win such a claim in court.

For both of these reasons, I cannot emphasize enough that any attempt to “get your story out there” would be ill-conceived.

However, in the interest of fulfilling my duty to you, I will answer your questions.

  1. If you insist on publishing your story, do so anonymously. Hire a “blind liaison” (ie someone who doesn’t actually know, and will never know, your identity, but can relay information to you) who people can contact should they have any tips which could help you. Be sure that all websites, domain names, server payments, email address, etc are registered with no information traceable back to you, your wife, or your daughter. Your blind liaison should be able to handle this for you, should you provide them with enough payment. Be aware that you will likely attract many unstable individuals and waste time and resources sorting the trustworthy leads (assuming such things actually exist) from the chaff.
  2. While I know you insist that your story is non-fiction, to avoid copyright infringement, you should label everything you publish which involves elements of the Star Wars Universe as “fictional parody.” You can declare that your story offers commentary about how certain individuals can live their lives as if characters and locales in a fictional universe are more important, and thus more “real,” than actual people and places in their real life. You are satirizing this tendency which can exist in certain pockets of Western Culture. If you frame your writing in this manner, you will find protection under the copyright law of the United States of America, though again, you do not have the money to make use of such protection.

Lastly, I must inform you that we have determined that our continued representation is not in the best interests of either you or our law firm, and must at this time sever ties. The work completed in preparing this letter of advice has been covered by the retainer you provided and there is no additional balance due.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.


[Name Redacted]